It really sucks.
No, I mean it. It sucks so bad that I am ready to join my wife and start reading books.
So, you ask, what the hell am I doing producing a TV series? Good question. I am convinced that I will pay a heavy price on Judgment Day.
God: "So, you made TV shows?"
Mike: "Yes, but...
God: "Don't worry, it's a dry heat. Next!"
Of course, God will never admit to what really ticked him off -- that I put my TV show on opposite... "JESUS"!
No, it won't matter to him that some heathen scheduler at the Bravo network placed the debut episode of our second season on tomorrow night (Wednesday, May 17) at 10pm -- right smack dab in the final hour of the hit CBS mini-series on the life of His Son.
He'll just be steamed that I had the audacity to even show up to work on "His night." (Brits will not find themselves with this theological problem, as our show airs tonight --Tuesday--at 11:30pm on Channel 4).
He will demand to know why Americans were even given a choice.
"Hmm, let's see what's on tonight, honey. There's uh, something called "The Awful Truth," and then there's...whoa! "JESUS!" I say let's go with our Lord and find out what happens to Him in the final hour!"
Hey, I think everyone knows what happens in the final hour. But if you are one of the few who have been living under a rock for the last 2000 years and don't know what happened to Jesus at the end of his life, well, here goes - I'm just going to give the ending away:
THE ITALIANS KILL HIM!
Then a lot of weeping and forgiving and spearing goes on, a couple days later he comes back to life, and the first person he sees is a prostitute. He then hangs out for another 40 days, getting his 11 buddies ready to go out and love their neighbors, and after that he flies up to heaven -- where he's been pulling a 90 share in the ratings, in all demographics, ever since!
There. That's the story. You don't need to watch "Jesus." Trust me, he ain't watchin' it either.
So, now, after having risked the eternal fires of the bottomless pit for the above screed, I want to encourage you to phone the neighbors, fax the relatives, alert your friends, and e-mail all the ships at sea because WE'RE BACK TOMORROW NIGHT!!
"The Awful Truth," our Emmy-nominated television series, returns for a second season tomorrow night, Wednesday, at 10pm and 1am ET on the Bravo cable network, (check your local listings).
On the premiere show, you'll notice right away that I'm back on the street in Times Square to do the series. No more stage! No more live audience! Just the bums and low-life who still havent' gotten the message that Times Square is now DisneyWorld North. As many of you remember, we used the middle of Times Square as the set for our show, "TV Nation." Now the place is overrun with network morning shows, MTV, ESPN, and so many billboards it's like one big advertisement for Corporate America.
Just where we wanna be, in the belly of the beast.
In the first episode, we take off after this year's candidates for President, trying to force them in to a mosh pit. Then we take a 7-foot gun into the national headquarters of the NRA.
Karen Duffy and Ben Hamper, are returning as correspondents, and the head writer from the second season of "TV Nation," Jay Martel, will also be doing some reporting.
I know a lot of you don't have cable. But for this show to exist, uncensored, it has to be on a network with the guts to withstand any kind of pressure from the powers-that-be. That narrows the choices down to but a few, and none of them are on free TV. As the man once said, our "free press" is for them that own the presses.
Being on Bravo is a blessing. Intelligent, creative people who give us the space to make the kind of show we want to make.
I do promise you that both seasons will be available on home video, with the first season going on sale in a couple of months (details to follow).
The reviews are already coming in for our new season and we are overwhelmed with the response once again ("Entertainment Weekly" gave it an "A" this week -- where were they when I needed them in high school?!).
So that's the news. PLEASE send this e-mail to people you know who would like to watch some provocative, subversive television that respects their intelligence (if you have unintelligent friends, send it to them, too, 'cause we have stuff for them also).
And Jesus, if you are reading this (and knowing you, you aren't using Satan's ISP, AOL!), please forgive me for going head-to-head with you on that other network. If we had our way, we'd go over there and change the ending so that you get to stay on Earth a little longer. Some people still don't get the part about the rich man will have a hard time getting into heaven.
PS - Canadians, Australians and everyone else -- we'll let you know when the second season is coming your way.
PPS - Last week, we won a Rose d'Or at the Montreux (Switzerland) Television Festival. The Rose d'Or is considered to be one of the top television prizes in the world and it is the second time we have won (the other being for "TV Nation"). There are now over 20 countries, from Argentina to Jordan, that are carrying "The Awful Truth."
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